I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just had sex on a roof
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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