I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
