Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i was born a porn star she said
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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