We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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