You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
