It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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