My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
