i just wanna soil my oats bro
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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