my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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