He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
