You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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