It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
