Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize