If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
