She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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