I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
