I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
