she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize