I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
