just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
