i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
