Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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