do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
