Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
