It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
