omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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