i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
