I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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