i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
