Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
