I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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