There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
