he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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