As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize