Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
