Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
