It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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