this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
