your parents love me but you hate me
youre lurking in front of me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
