Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
