So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need to align my fucking chakras
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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