I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
