i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Randomize
