i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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