I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
