I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
