i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
