it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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