I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
