Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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