I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
