nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
