at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
