it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize