Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
