I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
