he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
