you didnt know i had herpes?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
