she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
