great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
