Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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