Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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