I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
