just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
