Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
