you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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