Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
