Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
