I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
