I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
